The Deadline

They call it DEADline for a reason.

The infamous Deadline has been haunting people since the dawn of education. Dr. Donald S Duphenshmirtz classifies The Deadline as an mouth breather that inhabits tight spaces like dormitories and libraries.  This beast gained popularity in 1965 when the founders of Stern College decided there weren't enough beasts in the world to plague students, so they went to their labs and concocted a paper beast. This beast is manmade, composed of syllabi, group projects and ambiguous poetry assignments. His limbs are textbooks and his muscles are letters. His heart pumps numbers and equations, and he spits out essay assignments. The Deadline is a two legged mammal with a wing span of seven feet. Though he weighs seven tons, he can fly; a feat of the animal kingdom.

In the year of 2018, as I was running to the cafeteria to grab some lunch, I was accosted by The Deadline. The blood drained from my face, my body convulsed and I froze in terror. The Deadline towered over me and spread his paper wings seeking to entrap me. But before I allowed it to consume me, I escaped to the library, the one impenetratable fortress, safe from The Deadline.

Should you attempt to catch the deadline, be wary of its conniving tendencies. It will rob you of your sleep, deplete you of your energy, and turn your brown hair prematurely white. Only a few have ever successfully captured The Deadline. However, many have found creative ways to lure The Deadline with tools such as: The Extension Technique,  The Plagiarism Trap, and the most effective, The Playing Sick Card.

The only known remedy that frees one from the threat of The Deadline can be achieved through Graduation. But following the death of The Deadline, another, more sinister creature comes to life. And be warned, the wrath of Student Loans is far more deadly than any other monster you may have endured.